Reading comments from Jason, the bachelor who didn't win the heart of the bachelorette this season, I realized how right he is. We do all deserve to get that look from the one we love; we all deserve to have someone look at us in that way that says, "You amaze me, you thrill me, I feel excited and privileged to be in your presence". And I want that. I want a man who loves me and is sure about it, who wants to be with me, can't imagine his life without me, feels like he might die if we could not be together. Yeah, I want a man who has his own life, is confident and independent, but I also want, deep down inside, a little bit of crazy. I want us to be crazy about one another, desperate for one another, passionate about one another. I don't want to have to sit and wonder whether or not a man really wants me, really loves me, really thinks I'm special, really finds me unforgettable. And I don't want to hold back for fear of going overboard in the expression of my feelings for him- afraid I'll scare him off or weird him out.
This guy isn't sure he wants me. Yes, there are things in his life that make it a less-than-ideal time for him to find love, but it's still his choice. I'm here and I want him and I think that we could be phenomenal together. Does he look at me the way I want to be looked at? Could he? How could I feel so amazing whenever I'm with him if I'm not supposed to fight for this? It's in my nature to fight for what I believe in and I believe in he and I. Maybe I just don't feel that he really wants me because he's not here right now. I feel like he's got me in a very precarious and scary place. I'm falling for him, have already fallen for him, and there's nothing I can do now. That's how I feel. I want to just go with it, but I feel #1 afraid that I would only get hurt and that I should somehow know that right now and #2 foolish for wanting to invest myself in a situation that doesn't seem like a sure thing. I just feel that I cannot yet discount the possibilities this man holds for me. I could love and respect him and utterly enjoy him, and I feel like I could do that forever.
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